A weary spirit…

Willing but weak…

I took a long weekend off last weekend, just to spend at home as we remain in local lockdown. I had not realised how weary I have become…a weariness which does not seem to be cured by sleep, or even with a change of activity or (brief) change of scene. It seems little wonder that this is the case though: we have been living through a pandemic! Of course we are all experiencing this in different ways, but there is so much that we used to take for granted. Whilst masks, hand-washing, and limiting our travel have become common-place, they are not normalised.

The emotional energy it takes to get ready to go out, especially still in lockdown, is huge. COVID-19 had dealt each of us a significant shock to the system. I have spoken to a number of people who feel weary of this new normal – which is quite far from ‘normal normal!’ Navigating life within it, whilst also being aware of what can be gained from living more simply, and indeed the great costs that have come hand in hand with it, is exhausting. I have become aware over the last months that much of what I seem to do, or think about, relates to the future. At present, I feel quite immobilised; it seems impossible to think too far ahead! Just as we began to, we found ourselves plunged into local lockdown, in a way which hit harder because we dared to begin to move forward.

I have been truly inspired today by this article on Wild Church which seeks to encourage spirituality outdoors. Green, wild, spaces have been so sacred to me during lockdown…it has been much more difficult since those spaces have not been available, as they are outside the boundary. My heart has found God in the wild, wide open spaces over the last months, and I yearn to return!

In the meantime though, I recognise the need for each of us to be kind to ourselves as life fails to feel nearly normal, and navigation of the new normal continues to use too much of our reserves. I love that the photograph of this watering can shows both age and something of its failings as a watering can, whilst also showing that water continues to flow out of it – even in the face of challenge, it still has something to offer!

2 Replies to “A weary spirit…”

  1. Hi Morna,

    Thank you so much for the contemplation on a “weary spirit”.

    I related to the content so much, and was relieved it wasn’t just me who feels weary – its difficult to describe it in any other way – maybe bored, “just had enough”, tired, etc. I am not clearly depressed and yet can’t be bothered. I think you describe it very well. The link to not feeling useful is also helpful – I’m sure a lot of people (like me) feel lazy and prone to be self-critical, and remembering to be compassionate with ourselves is so important.

    God can use us in so many ways, and I was in a shop today when the owner (almost in tears), exclaimed he had had enough, he had not made money for weeks and didn’t have money to pay the rent. It felt strange trying to encourage him not to give up hope – especially as I didn’t know him, he was elderly and he was from another faith (he was Muslim), but somehow felt God’s presence encouraging me to ‘hold out a hand’ and stay present with the man. I experience this weariness turning me inwards – like a flower’s petals looking in on themselves. But, when we are able to turn outwards again, we can be used, and ultimately feel closer to God (and one another), again.

    I hope we get this lock-down lifted – I realised today a lot of people are really suffering and I am so fortunate (say this in self-compassionate way). Can I add this shop-keeper to the prayer request?

    Hope you and Becky are both doing alright and imagining new adventures when you can escape Leicester,

    Kind Regards,

    Graeme

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Graeme, thank you so much for taking the time to comment – it is affirming to me also to hear, loud and clear, that it is not ‘just me’. Thank you also for your encouraging anecdote about being used by God with the shop owner. I had tears in my eyes as I read it…and a beautiful image in my minds eye of you acting as ‘God with skin on’ (I love that phrase!) for the shop owner who perhaps needed to feel the peace that comes from being in the presence of God. I pray with you for him – I have indeed added him, and the many in a similar position, to our prayer list. Prayers also for you – hoping and praying that we can all begin to imagine those new adventures!! Thank you for being wonderfully you.

      Every blessing,

      Morna

      Like

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